Adventures in Patriarchy

Original dated: August 19, 2020 (Day 25, First Moon, 000)

Updated: June 13, 2022 (Day 15, Twelfth Moon, 001)

I’ve been meaning to write about this many times but I keep putting it off. When this phenomenon happens (patriarchy), at first I get angry because it happens so much and I think to myself that I really have to write about it, then it kind of dissipates into the never-never of life like so many things patriarchal. But these phenomena are hard to put your finger on. They are so much part of our unconscious societal fabric.

Patriarchy is to society like water is to fish. We simply don’t notice it. Wherever there is a bastion of males — politics, secret societies, militiaries, police, finance, technology, the results are always odious, providing more treachery than gain. Sayings like “it’s human nature” are misnomers because women don’t tend to do those things even though they have every opportunity to. Women don’t take up arms, even though they can, don’t form secret societies, militaries or police gangs. When people use the term “it’s human nature”, it’s pretty sneaky to lump women in with men because women do but a fraction of the horror that men do and thus it allows the atrocities of men to hide within our numbers and dilute their culpability. This is rarely noticed as the program is very insidious. There are ugly traits women possess that we can speak about, but the trait for violence is hand and shoulders committed by men far more than women and we need to be aware of this fact.

I can feel it now, women running to the defense of men, trying to give them a good patina. As though men are still children needing protection. I can hear the attacks coming on from women angry with me for segregating us into males and females, and accusations of being divisive. They feel the need to protect men — I also have that same mechanism. But once I know the programming then I make every effort to change it. Men don’t need protection — they are quite good at handling themselves. They also have their Brotherhood which bolsters their position no matter the merit of their actions. Women will side with the man if there is a conflict between a man and a woman, and thus leave the woman out in the cold, by herself as though women don’t need protection, but men do. Take notice of this program, you’ll see it arise quite a lot now that you’re aware of it.

With analysis, it seems a pretty preposterous thing to do because men cause almost all of the murders, rapes, pedophilia, destruction of the environment and recklessness. On a side note, the idea of protection itself is a male-oriented idea. We wouldn’t need protection if we lived in a humane society. Women absorb much of the lopsidedness and they’re not speaking about it or recognizing it. They just get mad, but they don’t know what for.

I can see why women get mad and don’t know where it’s coming from, because it happened to me today (it happens everyday!) I want to cover this because it is insidious and essentially ignored in society. Because it is ignored, women end up absorbing it all and not only that, in silence too. Patriarchy or male privilege, is simply taboo to speak about. Men are not aware of the imbalance and women don’t tell them for fear of harming them psychologically. That’s the mother/child syndrome which is beautiful when it is exercised towards children, but not when it’s exercised towards an equal. By saying nothing, women absorb the entitlement that is unconsciously assumed by the male. It’s taboo to speak of so men don’t get to understand what they are doing so they cannot improve. One woman alone pointing this out only reinforces in the male’s mind that the woman is crazy. More women need to admit this happens but first they need to notice it!

I’ll give a typical scenario…

This afternoon I was in my room about to sit and write a public service announcement for Synergy Nation. The creator of Synergy Nation happens to be living in the same household this month. He was downstairs and I thought it would be fun to hear his ideas on what would make a good “advertisement” for Synergy Nation. Since he was the creator, I also wanted to honor him that way but I was genuinely interested to hear his ideas.

I picked up my laptop and proceeded downstairs quite happily. He was outside on the deck with his computer. I told him I’d like to make an ad for Synergy Nation and I am writing the script and does he have a scenario where he’d like it to occur or how. His face showed that he liked the idea but quickly proceeded to haul me up on making it an ad. So I tried to tell him it’s just a word, get over it. I simply wanted to discuss a scenario and have some fun with it like writing a play. He screwed up his face and moaned some more about it. Then he proceeded to tell me the details of Synergy Nation. I was sitting there waiting to write a scenario for a scene in an ad so I said “I already know about Synergy Nation there is no need to tell me more about it, I’m just looking for a scenario, you know, where could it be set, who would be talking about it, what to say about it, how many people in it, etc., etc.”

He heard that but continued to tell me about Synergy Nation undeterred. Sometimes I think men just like to hear themselves talk.

Waiting, waiting, waiting, while he rambled on about things we’d talked about hundreds of times. Of course because men do so much of the talking it’s almost difficult to be original that often, so they repeat things incessantly. Again he spoke about the issue, not about a scenario I was trying to paint. This was because his mind was not there. It was “new ground” to him and he hadn’t traveled on it before — he’d never thought of actually doing a promotion video for Synergy Nation. His brain had to get into creation gear. I can understand that. But wouldn’t it be nice if he got the gist of what I was saying instead of what he did next, which is what happens nine times out of ten or maybe even more.

I was already proficient in all things Synergy Nation, almost as much as he, why keep on about that and speak as though I had never heard of it before? He simply didn’t get what I was trying to do which was paint a scenario to get across to people, a mini play. He started getting loud and arguing with me about details within the Synergy Nation model. Rinse and repeat, I thought. I was getting tired of it and went away from sitting beside him and began pottering around. I could see I was getting nowhere and I would think about the scenario myself on my own after I picked some flowers. These exchanges put me into a negative mood when all I wanted was to enjoy talking about something together that I thought would give us both a zing. I didn’t want to sink into a negative mood, as usually occurs after these exchanges, but I’m used to it now and it doesn’t last long. I thought asking for his ideas would make him happy but it didn’t, so I move on and don’t let it spoil my beautiful nature, I thought to myself.

I said to him “this is what men do all the time” and at that he stood up saying “You’re abusing me”. Oh boy, really? Those words tick me off. They are such wimpy crybaby words. That feeling of abuse is because they have lost the argument, they don’t have a case and they can see you’re not backing off, you’re maintaining your stance so they feel abused by that because women are supposed to be seen and though heard it must be very little, and always must sound sweet and accommodating. Men have important things to talk about not the trifles of women! How impertinent of me!

The thing that I was referring to that men do all the time is they don’t empathize with what the woman is saying. They don’t spend any time in her “consciousness” to understand her meaning, and from her perspective. Men can’t imagine the woman’s perspective because they deny their feminine side and are constantly rejecting it, so they reject her. They latch onto a word or term that she used and start lambasting her over it, rather than from the meaning of her point. They rarely compliment her idea or say they like what she says. The entire conversation ends up a dud — the woman is frustrated because she wasn’t heard and her good intentions just got smashed; the man is frustrated because he thinks she’s being abusive to him. What you came into the conversation for was to integrate, to honor the man for something you like or something he has done, and then so often, men turn it into a battleground. They do not see your intention. They only hear words. And the words they hear are interpreted intrinsically negatively. Mouth language is big with men. It gives them the opportunity to not think because creative, spontaneous thinking is not what their brains do well. Words are used to separate rather than coalesce. What their brains do well is build. And that is great but it’s mechanical. Women go off rolling their eyes and thinking it’s better to just ignore him. And so the beat goes on, he misreading her and she feeling she cannot give him genuine feedback because it’s just too precarious, each of them “stuck” in the pattern yet again.

While women think in roses, men think in bricks. Men are thinking how to build the thing she’s talking about, what needs to be “done”. Men are “doing” creatures. Women are thinking, designing creatures. Men are impatient with concepts if they cannot see the concept being immediately able to satisfy their needs. Because men see things in terms of gains, the “spending” of his time which is all-important, thus came the idea that “time is money”. They feel the meter running when a woman is talking because it takes up his time. He is not aware of this insult and so he keeps doing it totally without awareness. But he never thinks he has any fault to improve, he thinks the fault must always be 50/50 and thus again, he hides within our numbers just like the term “killing is human nature” when it’s not really human nature — it’s man’s doing. I don’t even think it’s men’s nature, we are all discombobulated through culture. Men have a need to find fault and that’s what they do when they speak to a woman, they look for the faults, they don’t notice the strengths. Like my friend saying I am abusive when he has the booming voice and he’s twice my size. If we stick with his definition, he’s actually the one being verbally abusive. I consider abuse as physical violence; amongst equals there is no abuse using mouth language because each can speak and defend their own case. Using mouths for communicating is but a piece of the tapestry of communication, we communicate on other levels too but men are barely aware of this, if at all. They only notice the words.

This secret keeps us primitive. We’re cavemen in Ferrari’s — our thoughts and ideas, our group consciousness, is no more advanced than the times of the old Romans pitting the Christians against the lions in the Colosseum.

We’ve all been taught by the programming of patriarchy, we’ve all marinated in its lopsided ideas for centuries. Not only is it barbaric, savage, and insulting to the human race, it is insulting to the earth. Yes we are animals and we share many animal characteristics because we are all earthlings. But we are different from the animals — we have reason, we have choice, and we have the instrument — our body — our finely tuned hands, our developed brain, our bearing and many more natural attributes that we’re not even aware of. Humans are a masterpiece of creation. Patriarchy is hierarchical and so the ones at the top decide destinies for all other earthlings. Does this make sense? Is this safe?

Men possess weapons way beyond the rate that women do. And they are the most violent creatures. This fact is not allowed to be spoken. It does not bode well for women and children or even men, if things remain this way. We need to speak about it and recognize its undertow.

Another contrivance that happens when men do work is men count only the energy they put in at the moment. Any energy that they leave for others after their job is done is almost completely ignored. Men are oriented for immediate gratification, and that is probably part of their biological function, however we must be aware of these mechanics if we are to progress and advance as a society. Our society cannot be built on ignore-ance. It can only be built on awareness, fairness and dignity for all.

We don’t need to stay in patriarchy but if we are not aware of it, that is what will happen. Power can be shared, males and females can learn to understand where the other comes from and adjust accordingly. There are better ways of living than we do today. We need to equip ourselves with a fair system, a truly egalitarian system that supports our desire to be equals. We all own a computer, therefore individuals can make proposals themselves and they can get votes on their proposals. Everyone can vote on others’ proposals. We simply need the infrastructure, the software, even a simple website would do. We need to talk about it so we can design methods for becoming more egalitarian and getting out of the patriarchal program forever. Nobody would want patriarchy if they had the choice, if they could see how much better we’d all be if we replaced patriarchy with equality. And in principle, it makes no sense for the bigger, louder, more reckless, to lord it over anyone. Everyone would be better off if we were balanced and harmonious, except those who wanted to control others. Sweeping these difficult subjects under the carpet needs to go out of fashion. This is the time of awakening. We can help each other wake up.

An easy way to get started on this new path is to notice who does most of the talking. Today many of the talks and videos are men talking to men about men so that only perpetrates the lopsidedness. When there is an overwhelming amount of men speakers, ideally, men should notice and invite more women to join in. That would give a more balanced view. If women don’t take up the offer, then they are accountable for keeping the status quo. But I think women would be moved to step up if men reached out like this. After all, men have been the dominant voice for centuries, surely they too would like to know what the other side thinks. We can only move forward if all the population is being recognized.

I end by putting the usual caveat when I speak about patriarchy, because people accuse me of being anti-male. Not that how I feel towards males should be the issue but just to set the record straight. No I am not anti-male, in fact my best friends are male. What I am is anti rule, and this applies no matter who rules. I simply do not believe that anyone should rule or be issued automatic acceptance to dominate. We must all be free. But for the most violent gender to rule is a double whammy knock out.

Women need to speak out and until we do, we are at the mercy of embedded misogyny and the danger that it wreaks on all of us. Look around — see how you like it. It destroys our humanity and our life source — the earth. It will only get worse because now women have turned into patriarchs too and they defend it. It’s from our indoctrination, from our culture that keeps on perpetrating patriarchy in homes, schools, institutions, in its very structure, and it does so because we are unaware of it. Changing the pattern requires conscious awareness. We need to talk about patriarchy — a lot, and often so that awareness can be learned. Really it was how we were in the beginning, but over the centuries and generations, patriarchy intruded and usurped our consciousness. We need to address it urgently.