Denise Ward
5 min readSep 11, 2020

Why I am not a feminist (but neither a patriarchist)

Do you realize that everything we know of is taught to us by patriarchy? Women think because they can be educated and work like men do, that that somehow confers equality. No, no, nothing could be further from reality.

Imagine a world where only women’s ideas had value. Men would have to tend to the children while women went out shopping all day and that would be our work. That would be considered the valuable work in a world led by women, like men making money is considered the valuable work today. And birthing and caring for the children is considered worthless, again like it is today.

Imagine if sports were prohibited and subject to fines and/or jail if caught engaging in them. Just like abortion has been for women. Imagine if women outlawed masturbation and forced quilting onto every person the way money and competition is forced onto every person today. The sexes have different predilections and feminism fails to satisfy our natural tendencies.

Instead feminism tries to be equal completely enclosed within a misogynistic society. It doesn’t seem to notice any of this. Patriarchy you see is a mindset, it is not exclusive to males. We were all taught by patriarchy so it is in our programming often going unnoticed. Nowhere do woman’s skills and tendencies get value in patriarchy. In fact woman is kept down, her needs rarely if ever catered to, her words barely heard. Woman was thought of as chattel and that legacy still hasn’t been purged. Of course man would never believe this of himself; he genuinely thinks he treats women as equals. Yet simply looking at how he converses with woman — and you’ll notice how he interrupts her, critiques her and ignores or rejects her meaning, assumes she is not as learned as he, expects tolerance of his indulgences much more than he would expect a male to tolerate. Rarely does he congratulate her or praise her ideas or skills. He competes with her and treats her like yet another competitive partner. This happens at home and not merely in the workplace. In the workplace he has no opposition as women have accepted their status as male clones with a few cosmetic allowances.

Feminism wants woman to be like man. It wants woman to compete with man in a man’s system and come up trumps. It protests to man begging man to grant woman equality. It’s case usually hinges on demanding equal pay. But the idea of pay itself is man’s idea. Men like to “going to work” to get away from the hubbub of family noise. By protesting to man, Feminism completely capitulates to admitting woman needs his permission. Feminism can do nothing for women while it continues to seek the approval of its oppressors.

So while Feminism ostensibly seems like it is out there battling for woman, rather it is succumbing to everything patriarchy wants of woman — to be second class, to demur to man, to seek his permission.

Feminism has failed to raise the worth that woman is. It has failed to even recognize our worth. Feminism adheres to practices that impose patriarchal ignorance on women such as ignoring a woman’s state during her period, regarding childbirth and menopause in the workplace, let alone elsewhere. The value of women birthing and nurturing the next generation is rarely even brought up, considered “women’s issues” and these issues are never catered to in society. In the delivery room where males truly can’t know their arse from their elbow, woman is still taking orders from the man’s system about how she positions herself during childbirth. Thus so much unnecessary “labor” by delivering horizontally instead of vertically to aid delivery by going with gravity. Man has more important things to do like build weapons.

Feminism has swallowed whole the toxic man’s vision of woman — seeing woman as a living embellishment to himself and his predilections, a companion, a child rearer and therapist. These are qualities of woman yet feminism has never given them any value. Feminism has not even noticed let alone valued what woman brings to society.

Feminism has not recognized the complementary nature of the sexes, that they are dependent on each other and cause synergy when in synchronization. Feminism sounds like simply more patriarchy, with a few tweaks here and there. It’s perspective is always to stay within the system and never move out, it makes no case for getting off the system. Feminism is a wet noodle with war paint on.

Nothing is more ugly to me than patriarchy. I see it dripping from everywhere and I am offended by it several times per day. Then I look at women and even with their best and gentler intentions, I see we still need the spirit of man to impel us to action. And in turn man is fueled by the spirit in us as we bounce primordial energies off each other that are intrinsic to the fabric of life. We don’t have to be sex partners, simply equals, whatever we discover that to mean. Our power is capable of making a man light up, and send his testosterone into the stratosphere, and I mean in a good way. A man is energized when his masculinity can be expressed soundly.

For woman to be truly equal, she must learn to stand in her presence and in her essence. She must not succumb to man’s dictates or adopt the interpretation as man has defined her. She defines herself and there is no two ways about it. She is capable of reading situations more accurately. Woman has been active in keeping up her feminine skills because she was not as programmed by the outside world nearly as much as men and what has been programmed is relatively recent. Therefore her mind is still relatively untarnished. However our experiences has kept us back in other ways to men and now we must discover our true femininity and our true power.

Until woman leads herself and exercises her choice to renounce patriarchy, to live by her lores, she will sentence herself and her girl children to generations of hell. Because now the patriarchy has so much more than it ever had before — it has weaponry and technology and women siding with it also. With that kind of imbalance, not only is womankind condemned but so is humankind and most of the other species we share our mother earth with.